Didn't miss you, but I guess we were meant to run back into eachother

How did I get here again? How?

I really don't know.  Freshman year, I suppose I didn't really know how to deal with everything so I started lying, letting things spin out of control, never really representing the truth. But I accepted the story I had woven, owned it, and decided to move on... or at least be done with what had been going on. I guess it took about a year to fuck me up, so it'd take a year to put me back together- sophomore year.

But after all of that, I really thought I had been done. Like I finally had built a foundation that would take me to my life's purpose, my freedom, my faith. 

And yet, I'm back to being that person who I can't seem to leave alone. The slight hollow feeling, sunken confidence, caustic disposition. This is the person who has comforted me through it all- when I didn't know who I was, I always could slip into this.

Now, I'm working towards 30 days of consecutive sobriety (in particular to weed), I stole a beer from my aunt and uncle (which I promptly admitted- something that arose no problem at the time), and they're now convinced I snuck in while they were away, pilfered their liquor (x_x) cabinets, and are on a quest to see my demise via my parents.

Now to be honest, I'm a hot mess I have room to grow as a person. I understand and admit that. And a part of me thinks that th!s is just displaying that divine encouragement. Not that I did do all that stuff they're accusing me of, but I have a feeling that this stuff usually happens after putting off living in your authentic life for so long.

We've all been there, or are waiting for our turn...
But ruin is the road to transformation...
and I thank god for the opportunity. 

I am beyond sick of :

smoking pot, owing everyone money left and right, being owed money, being bombarded by people to buy from them all the time, missing my friends who don't smoke pot, believing that everything is better high

Being a fatty, not exercising, feeling like shit, relying on anti-depressants that aren't even working, not  learning how to help the world, not having my permit, being tired and sick all time.

I want to write about interesting things, think about ideas that have little or nothing to do with any inebriation, learn languages, experience cultures...

Live the stories that I'm waiting to tell.