I feel so bad. It's like the best of my days are marked by hope, and the worst of them are marked by the gnawing absence of such.

I want to cry all the time, and most of the time I just feel too empty to do so.

What has made me feel this bad? I wish I had a reason.

I wan't to collapse onto someone, I want someone to have some understanding and compassion, but it's hard for someone to be there for you when they don't even know why they are there.

I'm done being done. I feel like the only thing driving force behind me is anger. I'm so angry that I'm living this life. I'm pissed off to be blunt. What the fuck!? How does this make any sense? It's like I've exhausted my life and I'm just waiting for it to end. I don't feel like I can learn anymore,  be any more.. I don't have the energy that my life or mindset or whatever, has robbed me, and without it, I don't see myself making any more progress.

Dancing on my own..

INDESTRUCTIBLE Pt.3

Don't understand anymore..

You left me.. That wasn't supposed to happen.

"so i'm going to be honest here, and don't try to attempt to defend yourself as usual. I feel like you cant keep making up excuses, i have always been there for you through so much shit and the thing that really pissed me off was that you made the plan. you planned to hang out because YOU said you were going through a hard time so i was trying to be nice and be there for you. 1st thing, we made the plans the night before, so i find it kinda hard to believe you just magically forgot all signs of it and happened to have your phone off at that time. It would have been totally fine if you gave me some sort or warning and not me having to call you after waiting alone for 30 minutes after already having a bad day to hear your excuses. yeah, i know you're going through a hard time, and i understand that, but i know and you know you cant play that all the time. and then after apologizing and me "ignoring you" you actually have the nerve to say you're beginning to resent me! you have to remember the base of the problem here. a lot of the time i feel used, and unimportant to you. half the time i feel like im there incase your old plans fall through or sent to leave early if you found someone better to hang out with. I have been there for so long and for you to take this one time of me being mad as "you dont care about me" is bullshit and hurtful. Im just tired of the excuses. I know this was totally a bitchy email and i probably shouldnt send it but i need to get it off my chest. i still want to be friends and i still love you i just couldnt let it keep it in forever."

Sometimes I want to kill who I am.. I don't know what that'd mean, what it would look like.. But the gift of starting over, it's something I think of often.

How would it be different? What would I change? Who could I be?

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, you have found peace
You were searching for release

You gave it all into the call
You took a chance and
You took the fall for us

You came thoughtfully
Loved me faithfully
You taught me honor
You did it for me

Tonight you will sleep for good
You will wait for me, my love

Now I am strong, you gave me all
You gave all you had
And now I am home

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, look what you can do
I am mending, I'll be with you

You took my hand and added a plan
You gave me your heart
I asked you to dance with me

You loved honestly
Did what you could release
Ah, ooh

I know you're pleased to go
I won't relieve this love

Now I am strong, you gave me all
You gave all you hadAnd now I am home

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, I'll be with you

I'M A HOT FUCKING MESS

I just want to scream at everyone!

"Fuck you! And Fuck you! Drink poison."

I don't know why I am feeling so caustic..

I just wan't to destroy everyone and everything, 

make 'em feel as bad as I do.