I was posed a question...

"What would you want others to say about you when you are gone?"

This question holds so much power.. I've looked for the past several years, for what I want my life to look like without regarding others, and I've come up with a lot of misdirection, failed "lift-offs", and a false sense of completeness.

I never thought about thinking about what I'd want others to say about me when I was gone, in the context of shaping my life to fit that- using that question as a tool.

So here it is:

I want people to know that I really loved them. Not just an "I love you", but a deep, ineffable, love for them (whoever they may be, I have a lot, but always have room for me ;). I want people to think back, and think that there life was better with me in it. I want them to know I wasn't a waste.

But also, I want to know I wasn't a waste.

I have so much ahead of me, but I'm blind to it all. It's like opening a door to the abyss, I know I'm going into it, I just don't know what I'm going into. And sometimes, that dark room is filled with people who love you, waiting to surprise you on your birthday. But sometimes, I'm not so sure that it will be filled with those people. Sometimes I think that it will just be an empty dark room. Alone. Without any real, positive, impact on this world.