It really is a new day

it's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist.

Let Me Go Please

Mexico was so much and more..

I feel like this too much

Every time I feel like I'm moving forward, someone reminds me I'm still the dork with glasses and braces.


Yeah but those braces are coming off any day now.


But what if nothing changes, then I'll have nothing to blame


Honey you got to stop, somehow you got it in your head that this is your story..But you got to let that go. It's time to come up with a whole new story for yourself- you are who you are. The sooner you are okay with that, you see what I see, you'll be happier.. I swear to god.

Let Go of Control: How to Learn the Art of Surrender

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Dr. Amy Johnson

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Proverb

I’ve noticed that things go much more smoothly when I give up control—when I allow them to happen instead of making them happen. Unfortunately, I’m terrible at this.

Although I’m much better than I used to be, I’m a bit of a control freak. I often use perfectly good energy trying to plan, predict, and prevent things that I cannot possibly plan, predict, or prevent.

For example, I wonder if my baby is going to get a proper nap when we travel and, if not, just how crabby she might be. I think through her travel and napping patterns, attempting to figure out exactly what we’re up against, as if her sleep is something I can control.

I also think about the weather a lot when out-of-town guests are visiting. I spend my already-limited time planning for every possible weather/mood combination when considering our itinerary.

Like most humans I know, I spend a lot of time in business that’s not mine. The baby’s business, my friends’ business, Mother Nature’s business.

As a recovering control freak, there are three things I know for sure about trying to control things:

1. We try to control things because of what we think will happen if we don’t.

In other words, control is rooted in fear.

2. Control is also a result of being attached to a specific outcome—an outcome we’re sure is best for us, as if we always know what’s best.

When we trust that we’re okay no matter what circumstances come our way, we don’t need to micro-manage the universe. We let go. And we open ourselves to all sorts of wonderful possibilities that aren’t there when we’re attached to one “right” path.

3. The energy of surrender accomplishes much more than the energy of control.

I suspect it’s slightly different for everyone, but here’s what ‘control mode’ looks and feels like for me:  My vision gets very narrow and focused, my breath is shallow, adrenaline is pumping and my heart rate increases.

My mind shifts from topic to topic and from past to future very quickly, and I have little concentration, poor memory, and almost no present-moment awareness.

In surrender mode, I’m calm, peaceful. Breathing deeply, present in the moment. I see clearly and my vision extends out around me, allowing me to (literally) see the bigger picture.

So the great irony is that attempting to control things actually feels less in control.When I’m micro-managing and obsessing over details, I know I’m in my own way.

The Art of Surrender

Surrender literally means to stop fighting. Stop fighting with yourself. Stop fighting the universe and the natural flow of things. Stop resisting and pushing against reality.

Surrender = Complete acceptance of what is + Faith that all is well, even without my input.

It’s not about inaction. It’s about taking action from that that place of surrender energy.

If letting go of control and surrendering not only feel better, but actually produce better results, how do we do that?

Sometimes it’s as easy as noticing that you’re in control mode and choosing to let go—consciously and deliberately shifting into surrender energy.

For example, when I become aware that I’m in control mode, I imagine that I’m in a small canoe paddling upstream, against the current. It’s hard. It’s a fight. That’s what control mode feels like to me.

When I choose to let go and surrender, I visualize the boat turning around, me dropping the oars, and floating downstream.

I’m being gently pulled, no effort necessary on my part. Simply breathing and saying, “Let go of the oars” is usually enough to get me there.

Sometimes it’s a little harder to make the shift from control to surrender. Here are a few questions that can help:

1. What am I afraid will happen if I let go of control?

When you pinpoint the fear, question its validity. Ask yourself, Is it true? If you’re afraid the night will be ruined if your boyfriend doesn’t remember to pick up eggplant (and you’ve already reminded him 14 times), question that assumption.

Can you really know the night would be ruined without the eggplant? And if it would be ruined (by your definition, anyway), what’s so bad about that?

2. Find out whose business you’re in.

Your business is the realm of things that you can directly influence. Are you there? Or are you in someone else’s business? When we’re trying to control things outside of our own business, it’s not going to go well.

3. Consider this: Would letting go feel like freedom?

It almost always would. Let that feeling of freedom guide you toward loosening your grip.

A Friendly Universe

Einstein said, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”

I believe in a friendly universe.

Being receptive and allowing things to happen is a skill that can be practiced and improved upon. It helps to believe in a friendly universe—one that is supporting you at every turn so that you don’t have to worry yourself over the details.

We can always choose to do things the easy way or the hard way. We can muscle through, or we can let go of the oars and let the current carry us downstream.

There is a peaceful, yet focused energy that accompanies holding the intention of what I want, but not forcing myself to do it. That energy is magic. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m allowingit to become a habit instead of making it a habit.

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Proverb

Looking for

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

Am I self-destructive? I don't really know anymore

I feel like this sometimes

The summer according to me

My amazing night

I feel so alive again.. I mean, I woke up a little hungover but honestly..I spend my weekends doing nothing just hoping to go back to whatever on Monday feeling like I have some abysmal amount of energy to keep going (it never works). But last night, I relaxed to such a point that I'm good for weeks!

For me... It's like, I've been filled with all this stress and it's left me little room to enjoy anything..But I've let go of it all, I have room to just breath again.

Been feeling like this too much lately

My favorite word?

ABSINTHE

And that is what is important- "I understand"

[9:48:30 PM] Josh Cobb:
sorry, i wrote that all horribly. Im just saying that lately... i keep feeling removed. almost like a narrator. like i see everything, i know whats going on, but the people in the story are oblivious to my existence. I dont really feel sure of who i am anymore..like at all. i feel so lost. but reading your post, knowing that you feel like your priority in others eyes is dropping, it means that im not the only other one
[9:48:42 PM] Josh Cobb:
that someone i can tangibly talk to, tangibly know..they feel removed sometimes as well
[9:50:18 PM] Jo*** Leo****:
Ahhh yes, I understand lol

I finally acted in a way that reflects who I really am

Recently a friend really hurt me, she hurt me a lot. But not matter what she said or how she attacked me, I promised myself I wouldn't attack her back, just the situation. I never got personal with her, I never threw things in her face that I could have, I never got down to that certain level with her.

And you know what? It felt amazing. I'm not saying it's easy, or that it's for everyone but I tried really hard to be the best that I could be and I became a better person for experiencing this.

Sure, I spent a day or two feeling utterly DESTROYED...but I came back from it, I held my head high, and kept going on in my life...to get through it, I had to keep thinking "just keep going forward". In the end, what I think is the end, she needed my support so I set all our history aside and was there for her. I am ecstatic that I can do it. I know that I can be the A better person. I think I want to keep working at this, I like it. :)

Falling..

Feeling like

My beautiful summer of 2010

Is this really too much to ask for?

♥___♥

Day 13- Your favorite musician and why?

I love so many different types of music, I really do and I don't think any one artist could be my favorite musician..But I have a few.


1. Lady GaGa
I know this may seem cliché or hackneyed but she is such a force. There is something spiritually inclined towards music about her. Just watch this video (then you'll see):

2. Bjork

I have never EVER in my whole life heard a song like this. Nothing even comes close to this style and for that, Bjork Amazes me.

3. Adele

Her voice is beautiful, her control is masterful, her writing is astounding.. 

I just don't feel so healthy lately.

About a year ago I committed myself to a mantra, "Happiness is when what one does, what one thinks, and what one says are all aligned in harmony".

But that meant a lot more than just lying. It meant that I knew I needed to get physically fit, I needed to stop lying, I needed to take a break from partying and reconnect with my family, it meant building trust, it meant that I needed to stop running from whoever I thought I was..I needed to experience my happiness.

However, transformation is a rough road to take.. Robert Frost once said, " Two roads diverge in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference". I had to take the one less traveled by, but it made all the difference. However, it's really easy to revert back to old thinking, which leads to old habits, which leads to an old life.. I feel like I'm living an old life, a tired life, a redundant life..


Maybe I chose to come back? I don't really know.. But I need to I think, not necessarily get back to where I was because that was a unique experience all on its own..but maybe get to something new? Maybe it will be similar, maybe not..but I really feel done with where I'm at. 

I can't blog or type or get stuck in my mind at school.. I'm trying, but I just cannot do it.

Been meditating on this song lately...

Wow

I'm watching Born This Way on VEVO for Android.

Sometimes I start to feel like this..

Love grows in me like a tumor,
Parasites bent on devouring it's host.
I'm developing my sense of humor,
Till I can laugh at my heart between your teeth,
Till I can laugh at my face beneath your feet.

Skillet on the stove is such a temptation,
Maybe I'll be the lucky one that doesn't get burned.
What the fuck was I thinking?

Love plows through me like a dozer,
I've got more give than a bale of hay,
And there's always a big mess left over.
What did you do?
What did you say?